A Final Ode To JKYF (你以为你是谁?)

You showed interests, you strung me along
In time I gave you a friendship that’s true..
and care that was deep and strong
But in so doing I'd soon find..
a reciprocity that was so very wrong

And soon you'd show your true colours
Meting out treatments hot and cold..
unjustified despise and contempt
and rudeness that’d follow and unfold..
for the friendship and care that I’d bestowed

To your enemies, such treatments to give..
are understandable acts, most would agree
But doing so to friends who are true and nice..
can only say these things about ye
Either a very troubled soul, or a warped personality

Harassments or persistence..
were there ever any from me, I ask of thee?
Mind you there’s still in me this pride and dignity
Tho’ no movie star looks nor loaded with dough..
is to never beg for friendship or love, this I firmly hold

Mislead not nor take friendships or love as trophies
Just games to play, to reaffirm your desirability
Before you know it, time has passed you by..
Lasting love seems so elusive, you may wonder why
Alas it’s a destiny of your own making, a destiny that you decide…

不装饰她的梦

她也不过生命中一小插曲

大半感受可说取闹与无理

因此也不值为此缘觉惋惜

或盼他日有否缘剩再相聚

以后日子如往依旧走下去

哪怕会是晴天狂风或暴雨

儿女情长之事我还是远离

笑傲人生自得其乐乐无比

To Be Forever Young

Forever young - in all honesty, who doesn't want to be? We all associate youth & youthful looks with beauty. From actors & actresses of popular Korean/Hong Kong tv series that always get us glued to our tv sets, to the most recently departed MJ, to the ordinary men & women in the street; who doesn't want to? Even the first emperor of China and Empress Cixi of Qing Dynasty were no exceptions. They too tried but in vain, to be immortals! Of course, it is no sin to maintain a youthful appearance, to dye away the grey hair, to minimise/remove wrinkles/imperfections, to look good & glamourous. In fact, it is a kind of self respect. But... if it becomes a major obsession in life, to the exclusion of all else, to the extent of even contemplating ending one's own life, when efforts at overcoming signs of ageing seem futile; then it becomes a disturbing, skewed perception towards life. After all, ageing is part of life. Inevitably, we all grow old and die someday. Come to think of it - only the blessed & lucky ones get to grow old. Then again, I guess I don't mean even if I were in constant bodily pain & anguish, as a bed-ridden 'vegetable' or grostequely disfigured/crippled person. This very sticky issue of euthanasia comes to mind. Probably best left to personal convictions and the relevant experts to unravel.

In recent years, whenever I find myself confronted with some of nature's most awesome and humbling spectacles, devastating disasters or the passing of a great yet humble fellow human, a relative/friend; I tend to get some playbacks of my own yesteryears ... and current life. Like some kind of involuntary reality check/wakeup call. Like everyone else, there were the good times and not so good times. Surprisingly, some of the latter can still haunt, hurt or bring regrets after all this passage of time. Wish certain episodes could be re-lived differently, could be undone. Like meeting 'the one' from the very beginning and then happily ever after. No heart piercing dramas, unexpected twist & turns, parting of ways... It also felt like, only not that long ago, I was still this wide-eyed, enthusiastic, adventurous, 30-year old 'young punk' with very few worries, if any worth mentioning at all. Worries about ageing was the last thing on my mind. Had better things to do. The world out there with its countless myraid of wonders, surprises and rewards waiting. Would always be giving it my best shots. Had my fair share of winning and losing. But damn, how time flies...

In case you are wondering if I am actually all wrinkled, hunched over and getting about in a walking wheelie at tortoise's pace; well, not quite - yet. Hopefully not for the next 30 years, destiny willing, that is. Nevertheless, in recent years, some signs of ageing are gradually starting to appear - eg. fish tails at the corners of my eyes when I laugh or smile, the receding hairline, the grey hair appearing on both temples. Am I concerned? You bet. Would be lying if I said no. But these are not my ultimate concerns. My ultimate concerns are for the ones who mean the most to me - namely my immediate family and a couple of individuals; who somehow inexplicably left indelible marks in my life, when our paths crossed. To make matters even more intriguing (or worst?), these events were highlighted to me (during a 12-hour journey) surprisingly accurate by an elderly Chinese feng shui master whom I happened to meet for the very first time as a tour client. Are all these just some coincidental hocus pocus? Why me? At times, I get really pissed off, when I think about it. Life as it is, can already be full of headaches & surprises. One had to be either transfixed or out of his mind, to allow his pride & dignity to be placed on the line; and possibly end up with chaos on all fronts. Maybe I did have a debt to repay (via torments on me) from a previous life. Glad it's done...

We owe it to ourselves that the recipients of our friendship (or more) know that what we give is the real deal, from the heart (at least, while it lasts). Undeserved bad treatments, ridicule & humiliations in return can be hard to take. Be not troubled, though. As for me, if and when it ends or is unappreciated, it won't turn me into a stalker or maim me psychologically. On the contrary, my heartfelt parting best wishes. The debts/dues owing, will have by then, be repaid...(Now coming back from the digression) Lastly, while we keep the 'signs of ageing' at bay through taking good care, let's not neglect the characteristics of inner beauty that are just as important, if not more. Nietzsche, the German philosopher once said : "To live as if each day could be the last day of your life.", "but to learn as if you would live forever." , added Ghandhi. Enlightening...

Try A Little Kindness

If you see your brother standing by the road
With a heavy load from the seeds he's sowed
And if you see your sister falling by the way
Just stop and stay you're going the wrong way

You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness
Then you'll overlook the blindness
Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets

Don't walk around the down and out
Lend a helping hand instead of doubt
And the kindness that you show every day
Will help someone along their way

You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness
Then you'll overlook the blindness
Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets

做不成恋人情人,依然是朋友.可能吗? Can't Be/No Longer Partners/Lovers, Yet Still Friends? Viable?

一些网民对以上的观点和看法: (The following are (translated) comments of a few netizens on the above issue:)

*可以。因为在一起时间长了有一种感情和习惯，如果见不到了我会觉得怪怪的。不过如果是他伤害了我。那我会给自己一段时间不联系他。等我没什么感觉的时候面对他还可以礼貌的打招呼。可是如果是因为彼此不合适，好聚好散了，那做朋友有什么不可以呢？毕竟他也是最了解你的人啊！就像亲人一样了，只要对方也是大度的，彼此有事一起商量，时不时问个好，没什么大不了的! (It is possible. Because after being together for sometime, you would have gotten accustomed to and developed feelings for each other. It would feel abnormal if you stop seeing each other. Unless of course he/she has hurt me. Then I would give it a break before I resume any contact with him/her. I will wait till the hurt is all gone and I can be courteous if I happen to see him/her. If we can't be lovers because of incompatibility, then we should part amicably, just like the way we met. Can't see why we can't be friends anymore. After all, he/she may the one who understands me the most! Like a relative with a magnanimous and understanding heart, once in a while, you can still show some care and concern. This is no big deal at all!)

*我觉得可以做朋友 ,除非你对她还有非分之想发.这就有问题了.先是想有百年之好,不成,退而求其次,不成,再退.再不成.哎!!!做人太失败了!!!! (I think it is possible to be friends, unless you still harbour the original hope and intention. Initially, you hoped to spend the rest of your life with him/her. When you found that it is not possible, you reduced your expectation, to a non-committal one - to just "as-long-as-you-can-be-together" relationship, ie. an open ended relationship. If not possible again, then you will accept even just the occasional rendezvous. How pathetic!)

*曾经有做情人的念头的人,回头再说做朋友,会令人难以置信,因为行为在先,已经看出水平了。(If you and him/her had previously been lovers, it is hard to believe that you two can just be normal friends with each other.)

*很俗的一句话 做不成情人做朋友！！呵呵，也不知道是谁最先说这句话，成了感情天空里最经典的一句分手托词！但凡有人要先负于人，我想这句话是最好的一句表白！！ 但是曾经有一段感情就真的升华到了这种境界。但是我们谁也不想，只是无奈于此！唉。相爱的两个人，因为不得已的原因，不得已分了手，可是我们不能忘记不能不牵挂对方！偶尔一个电话，平平淡淡一句“你好吗，过得怎么样，身体好吗，工作顺心吗？”能让人不知不觉泪流满面。 是的，曾经那么相爱，可是我们知道，爱不用一定要厮守在一起，不管我们身在何方，在彼此的心里都知道，在某个地方有个人会在为他（她）祝福，为他（她）牵挂！ 不要不相信，有的时候情人做不成，真的可以做朋友，而且是永远的朋友，！不管是因为什么原因而分手，不要去怨恨，不要去仇视，平心对待人生里的每一次风波和磨烂！分手了，用一颗平常的心去对待你曾经的恋人吧！(Sounds more like a typical excuse for someone who intends to initiate a breakup with his/her lover/partner. Nevertheless, it is probably the best excuse to have. Sigh~~ once were lovers, but now no longer. It is a sad thing but can't be helped. However, we can't just forget the other person totally - just like that. The occasional "how are you?", "how's work?", blessing him/her, is acceptable. Don't rule out that sometimes when you can't be lovers, you can still be good friends. In fact, even become lifelong friends! It doesn't matter what the reasons are for the breaking up. Just don't harbour any hatred. Just let it be. Even though you are no longer lovers, you should still treat him/her with courtesy. After all, he/she was once your lover!)

*你对朋友的定义是什么呢？如果只是一个偶尔想起来问候一下的人~那么没问题~如果是一个依旧在你生活中扮演重要角色的人~ 那么还是不要了~首先不考虑旧情复燃什么的糟心事情~单纯的你曾经喜欢的人还经常出现在你身边~ 而且还和你分享着他现在的感情等事情~ 你会有什么样的心情？？毕竟喜欢过怎么可能就那么完全的一点感觉都没有了~做不到是事情就不要勉强~再说了~ 当你将来有新的归宿的时候你怎么介绍现在这个朋友~当你的爱人知道你们曾经是那么要好现在还保持联系的时候~就算他再大度心里也会有阴影~ 人在爱情方面都是自私的这很正常~即使嘴上不说什么心里也会很难过~这可不是什么好事情哦~~~~~有时候人还是活的洒脱一点好~ 呵呵 (What is your definition of "a friend"? If it is just the occasional hello, then it's okay. But if he/she is still very important to you in your heart, then better not. If someone who was once central to your life is still close by, still sharing his/her life's events, good times & bad times with you; how are you going to handle this relationship? How are you going to introduce him/her to the new love in your life? Even though we may not openly admit it, when it comes to matters of the heart, we are all selfish. It's normal to be so. Ex lovers remaining friends will cause complications. Just let it go.)

*做不成情人，可以做朋友，不但有可能，而且完全应该。现在，谈恋爱的初始阶段，不少人称之为“交朋友”，两人感情发展成熟，即可以确定婚姻关系。若不成为恋人关系，不还是”朋友“关系吗！婚姻恋爱受很多条件制约，但关键是两人情投意合心心相印。若一方不满意，就要中止向恋人的方向发展，任何人也奈何不得。既然一方不同意，另一方就要大度的友好的主动的中断关系的进一步发展。仍保持朋友关系，不是最好的结局吗。当然也有人一旦恋爱不成，就把对方视为仇人，这种做法是相当错误的，这种人说小了是小鸡肚肠，实际应该说是他没有正确的恋爱观。俗话说“买卖不成情意在”，更何况婚姻恋爱呢。(Can't really see why not. In fact, should and must remain as friends. The relationship started out as friendship anyway. In the process, deeper feelings developed; some even end up getting married to each other. If this does not eventuate, aren't they still friends? If due to various reasons, they can't be lovers, they should still be big-hearted enough to accept this fact. It is not necessary to become enemies instead. For those who can't accept it, it just shows how emotionally immature and small-hearted such people are. As a Chinese proverb goes, "Friendship remains even if the (business) deal can't be sealed." )

*绝对不可以做朋友!!!!!!!做朋友就意味你们还会常见面,有事没事常联系.这样你就不会有新的开始,给你造成更大的痛苦.即使你有了新的朋友,他也会有意无意的成为你们关系进一步发展的障碍,进而给你造成更大的痛苦. (Definitely not!!!!!!! If you remain friends, that means you will still see other every so often. This will make it hard for you to start anew in your love life. It will only come in between your new relationship and prolong your heartache.)

*有可能，前提是两个人都能够互相尊重 (It's possible. But firstly, it depends how much respect you have for each other.)

你觉得呢? (What is your opinion on this?)

Close Encounter of an Ugly Kind

I still remember quite vividly a few years back, when I took my elderly dad for a follow-up appointment after his eye operation. That day, it was an Asian nurse in her late 40s attending the reception (Royal Eye & Ear Hospital, Melb). While waiting for dad's turn, I noticed her politeness and patience with the Aussie patients, esp. the elderly. From her accent, I also knew she was either Malaysian or Singaporean. I thought to myself, "Wow, classic Asian virtues, heartwarming...还是自己人呢。"

But this thought was shortlived. When it came to dad's turn, her attitude changed. She became cold, straightfaced and talked without looking at us. Due to dad's hard of hearing (being in his late 70s), she became impatient & rude. She assumed I was merely a government appointed interpreter. "You tell this old man, blah, blah, blah..". That was when I leaned forward, stared straight in her eyes and "sc**wed" her - back to front, centre, left & right. (It's rude, I know. Sorry).

"Hey you, this old man happens to be my father!...", I blasted her a good minute or two, right in front of everyone. Funny to see her embarassed, shell-shocked face. Miraculously, she became apologetic & polite again. And even began to speak to my father in Mandarin! A true b*tch indeed. She should have treated everyone with impartiality, more so to her own kind in a foreign land...

(Written on: 05/10/2008)

Close Encounter of an Eerie Kind

Undeniably, there still exists personal experiences, sightings & phenomenons throughout the world that are beyond scientific explainations to this day. The following story is an unforgettable personal experience that I had in the Dec of 2002. Was on transit in S'pore for 2 days and decided to make an impromptu last minute 2.5 hr trip to my sleepy hometown in Johor. (Left more than 25 years ago but will still visit every once in a while). Not wanting to trouble relatives & friends (& also to surprise them), I booked a room in a supposedly reputable, multi-storey hotel in town. By the time I arrived and set foot in the lobby; all sweaty & dog tired, it was already well passed 11 pm. "Er..sorry, sir. We thought you were not coming. So we didn't keep the room for you. But not to worry. We will give you a family room at the top floor for no extra charge.", said the receptionist with a smile. I thought, "Wow. A room with bird's eyeview of town at no extra charge. This is customer service going the extra mile!", trying to hide my pleasure at the "windfall".

After filling in the particulars, I got into the lift and was happily on my way to the top floor. Reached the top floor. Looked around and realised that this was the only room on the entire floor! "Geez...", beginning to get a bit apprenhensive. Anyway, proceeded to open the door. "What the..", even before the door was fully opened, I felt a chill down my spine and the goosebumps on my arms and back stood up, intensity of which I had never experienced before! I could feel some "entity" standing in the hallway of the dark room! Dropped my backpack and hurriedly switched on all the lights in the hallway,living room & bedroom. But the "fear" did not go away. "No, this is just my imagination. I'm tired, that's all..", trying to calm myself. Hurriedly unpacked. Had a quick shower. Brushed teeth - and all this while, my eyes darting around the spacious bedroom/living room, just to be on the safe side.

Didn't sleep a wink the whole night! Tossing & turning and kept feeling the presence of something standing next the bed. Totally bombed out the next morning... When a buddy came to fetch me in the lobby for breakfast, he asked, "What the hell happened to you?". "Dark rings around the eyes, dishevelled hair and all?". I told him my story..and how kind the hotel reception was to me...His jaw sort of went ajar before dropping the bombshell on me. "Didn't you know a couple of years earlier, a young Chinese woman from outstation committed suicide in that top floor room after a fight with her boyfriend?". What did I do after learning this? (Got the hell out w/o even staying for breakfast!) The rest as they always say...is history. Nowadays, I always try to check (discreetly) with the receptionist/bellboy on background of the hotel room I would be staying in ie. of course if they are telling the truth. Anyway, sweet dreams & sleep tight now ...

(Written on: 02/11/2008)

If a Shoe Has Soul

If a shoe were to have a soul
where in it's owner's life
its rightful place, it will know

If for informal wear, by its Maker, it was made
becoming formal, sharing the limelight
the last thing it would crave

For its owner, it would gladly accompany
to far or near, wherever it may be
Down trodden paths or boulevards fancy

When comes the time for it to be replaced
due to journeys' wear & tear
its colour, fading away

To its owner's feet, it will not try to cling
knowing what discomfort this would bring
Despite sadness beyond words, in parting

In years gone by, it can at least reminisce
it has once served, unreservedly and truly
while fulfilling its own duty & destiny...

(Written on: 27/05/2009)